Your Body is the Piece of the Universe You've Been Given

Hello, friends!

I hope you're all enjoying the fall so far, I know I certainly am!

I wanted to take a moment to talk about something that has really become very important to me: body positivity. It's no secret that poor body image has become somewhat of an epidemic in today's society. Almost all (if not all) of my friends either struggled with or continue to struggle with their body image. My mother struggles with it, so does my brother and my boyfriend. Even the models I've met and worked with battle insecurity. So many beautiful, wonderful people are continuously doubting their beauty and it honestly makes me very sad. So... what can be done about this?

If you were to ask me a few years ago how I felt about myself, you'd receive a very sad response. I was about 8 years old when I started hating the way that I looked. As I approached middle school and later, high school, my self-esteem was seemingly non-existent. I tried so hard to recreate myself, to find a way to be anything other than myself and so, I went through all the motions like so many of my peers did. I wore what the general crowd wore so as to not stand out and draw attention to myself, I dyed/cut/styled my hair with the same intent... none of it made any difference. At the end of the day, it was still a war of me vs. myself. That damn mirror became my nemesis.

I was at one of my lowest points during my sophomore year of college. Towards the tail-end of the spring semester, I was in a failing relationship and living in an apartment with two people I was no longer friends with at that point. You could cut the tension in my life with a knife. When my boyfriend at the time and I decided to call it quits, there was a numbness in my heart that I was then combating for months. I became reckless, I needed to feel anything and nothing all at once. I hit bottom hard, and my self-esteem followed. 

I don't know what exactly had shifted in me, but I remember a month and a half of little to no sleep and an ever-present restlessness in me that ultimately sparked a change of heart. At night when I couldn't sleep, I would play around with my hair/makeup or go through my closet and play dress up. After a few fails I would get frustrated with myself, and so I decided I needed a new nighttime routine. I had this one ritual where I would write a poem, make myself some tea, put a face mask on, and recite the poem to myself in the mirror before washing the mask off. I tried focusing on my words rather than my face and of course the nasty goo that was all over it. If it was a night where I was a little more insecure than usual, I would do yoga in front of my mirror. I focused on what I wanted my body to be able to do instead of what I wanted my body to look like. I would finish my practice by thanking myself, and this was probably the ritual that helped me the most. The more I found myself grateful for all the little things I did that day, the quicker my confidence started to restore itself. Now, I can happily say that I am much happier than I've been in years. I'm still working on my self-esteem every single day, but I hope that this positive mindset and the support and encouragement of those around me helps my self-love to continue to grow.

I don't think people take enough time out of their busy schedules to truly appreciate themselves. I would like to encourage all of you to give yourself a "thank you" everyday. Thank yourself for the little things: for going to the gym, for buying a new dress, for eating a really yummy meal, for having a good day of work or for sticking it out on a day that won't quit throwing punches. It doesn't matter if you haven't done anything exceptional that day, what matters is that your beautiful mind, body, and spirit helped carry you through the day.

This shoot was in dedication to the hard work of embracing and loving myself.
Thank you to Mike Matos for having me in your studio and for capturing me in the most beautiful afternoon light.

Be sure to check out my friend Mike Matos:

Instagram: @_mikematos
Tumblr: mportraiture.tumblr.com

As always, thank you all for reading and for all of your support.

XO